10 Gory Days of Christmas (Day One)

Other than Halloween, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. The holiday often makes its way into various projects of mine, regardless of whether or not these projects ever see the light of day. Last year, I had the idea of re-writing “The Night Before Christmas” for my first book signing, and I loosely tied it in with Birthday Girl. It went over very well, and a few people after the signing told me it gave the right amount of levity to the event after reading a few extra-gory chapters.

If you haven’t read “The Magriol Before Christmas” yet, you can still find it here!

This year, since I don’t have a new book to promote, I’m doing 10 straight days of original macabre Christmas song. These don’t tie directly into Birthday Girl, or any upcoming projects, but it seems like a nice way to bring the holiday spirit from now until Christmas Eve.

So…here’s Day One.


“A Maniac is Loose in Your Town!”

(To the tune of “Santa Clause is Coming to Town”)

You’d better shut up,

You’d better hide well,

Or he’ll stuff you in his bag

and he’ll drag you to Hell.

A Maniac is loose in your town!

He’s making a list,

He’s checking it twice,

‘Who gets to live

and who’s getting iced.’

A Maniac is loose in your town!

He sees you when you’re sleeping,

from the dark corner of your room,

and if you didn’t hang the Christmas lights,

your guts’ll be well-strewn!

So, go on and shout,

Go on and fight,

Your futile resistance brings only delight.

He’ll give a five-second countdown…

But then he ain’t fuckin’ around…

A Maniac is loose in your town!


Check back tomorrow for more!

Have a favorite Christmas song you want parodied? Send me a note!

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